31.08.2003 - Came out, it rained, went back in again...

I thought I'd show my face at Cardiff Mardi Gras yesterday afternoon. I met up with my friend David (right) and we trolled around the field in an effort to keep warm. People remarked how flat the atmosphere felt. It probably had something to do with temperature and the downpour of rain mid afternoon.

That said, we enjoyed ourselves and, as ever, it was wonderful to see so many fags and dykes in one place. Them that made the effort to dress up looked fabulous and on those few occasions when the sun managed to peep through the field lit up.

I kept an eye out for Chig's purple Fred Perry trackie top but didn't spot him. Shame, as I'd like to have said hello. Anyway Chig, despite the weather (typically Welsh) I hope that you did have a good weekend here.

link | so... tell me

30.08.2003 - When insects grow stupid and swallows fly south...

It's Cardiff Mardi Gras today. The last fling of the summer. Chig will be there. He's staying at the Marriott but doesn't give his room number...

link | so... tell me

29.08.2003 - Playing the straight man...

Some straight men love to flirt with us queers, don't they? They're obviously having a ball with their suggestive remarks and saucy repartee. They enjoy playing the straight man - setting up the feed in preparation for our fruity and devastating punchline.

Perhaps the joke is on us or perhaps it's their way of accepting our bare faced faggotry. Perhaps the world is changing or perhaps they're toying with the idea of actually doing something about the guilty urges they're feeling.

I'm reminded of that old joke - "What is the difference between a gay and a straight man?" with the answer being, "Six beers." I guess we'll never know how much truth there is in this but, I dare say, we all have anecdotes we could use to back it up.

Metrosexual? Heteroflexible? Whatever. As my late friend, Richard, was fond of saying, "Ah, they all help out when we're busy..!"

link | so... tell me

28.08.2003 - End of sperm report...

I couldn't resist pinching the above title from The Observer's interview with Steve Jones about his book, Y: the Descent of Men.

The interview opens with, "Every time a man has sex, he produces enough sperm to fertilise every woman in Europe. In an average lifetime, he will produce two thousand billion sperm." The interview paints Jones in a good light, a no nonsense, skilled communicator. It ends with Jones saying, "The one thing that scientists ought to be is humble because they, more than anyone, know how little they can explain."

The Guardian's review states, "The book is a delicious romp through the biology of the human male, spattered - if you will pardon the phrase - with some startling ideas and startling visions." The review ends with the Robin Williams quote, "God gave men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time."

The book was published in paperback this week. I bought it today and hope that it's as promising as the Observer's interview and Guardian review would have me believe.

I'll let you know...

link | so... tell me

27.08.2003 - Such bad form...

Isn't it funny when someone's in such a foul mood that they take it out on all those around them? Well, now that you ask; no, not really. And it's such bad manners when a simple "How are you?" is batted back with such pent up anger and ferocity.

I do try and see things from the other person's point of view, I try and imagine what their day has been like; I try to understand what might have gone so badly wrong for them. What might have brought them to this state?

But when I'm up against it myself and the pressures are considerable all I want to do is shake them by scruff and scream "Fuck off!" Of course I don't take this action. Instead I withdraw - all my good intentions for a productive day whither and I doodle the rest of the day away rather than be of any assistance to anyone. Negativity spreads quickly...

Bad manners are such bad form. There really is no need. They bring out the worst in everyone.

link | so... tell me

26.08.2003 - Swamp...

First this story about the English swamping Welsh culture. Dr Robyn Lewis, Archdruid of Wales, claims that people from England think their culture is superior and want to "colonise" their neighbour. He added that, as a consequence, he is made to feel uncomfortable because he speaks Welsh in the traditional Welsh-language heartland of the Lleyn (sic) Peninsula. Of course, his discomfort has nothing to do with the daft gold frock he likes to roam about in.

Followed by this story where the BBC Wales reporter has got themselves into a bit of a mire with the English language. It's a grizzly tale about a speedboat accident off the West Wales coast. The report states, "The boy was sitting on his father's 30ft speedboat when he fell into the sea off the West Wales coast at the weekend."

Oh dear...

link | so... tell me

25.08.2003 - And the blind shall see...

After a stem cell transplant, Mike May, a Californian man who had been blind for forty years has had his sight restored. However, once a keen skier when blind, Mr May now feels frightened he might bump into something. He is also nervous about crossing the road. He said: "The difference between today and over two years ago is that I can better guess what I am seeing. What is the same is that I am still guessing."

Scientists have been following his progression, charting how he learned to see. Five months after surgery Mr May recognised simple shapes and movement. After two years, in addition to form and motion, Mr May can now also recognise colour.

More than can be said for Thames Valley Strategic Health Authority workers who offered a black woman a white prosthetic leg, adding that she would have to pay extra for any other colour....

link | so... tell me

24.08.2003 - Erudite and anecdotal...

One of my bookshelves fell down the other day. The bf stacked the books neatly. On top of one of the piles was a book I'd almost forgotton about, The Way We Are.

It's written by the wonderful Margaret Visser who was born in South Africa, studied at the Sorbonne, and received her doctorate in Classics from the University of Toronto. She writes on the history, anthropology, and mythology of everyday life.

Her writing is erudite and anecdotal. Jeanette Winterson says that she is "an author whose method is to take something obvious and return it filled with riches." Her other books include, Much Depends on Dinner and The Rituals of Dinner. Her most recent book is The Geometry of Love.

If you've never read any of her books, please do; you will not be disappointed.

link | so... tell me

23.08.2003 - Wouldn't you be..?

A local arts club organizes a trip to a latin music festival in Brazil. A week before they are due to fly two of the group drop out. Through a friend of a friend I hear that they are looking for replacements; a large deposit has been paid and all I'd have to do is come up with the rest.

I've never been a huge fan of Brazilian music but two weeks in Rio de Janeiro sounds fun and at a price I can afford. Hey, I might even go along to a few gigs with the rest of the group?

After a long flight, I arrive at Galeão airport and find myself being herded into a side room at immigration. They dispute that I am merely a tourist and simply on holiday. I protest, saying that I am travelling with a group of British fans here for the Brazilian music festival. If that is so, what do I know about Sergio Mendes or Egberto Gismonti? Can I sing any of their songs or, for that matter, can I name any? I cannot.

I try to explain the circumstances of my visit and that it was a last minute thing. They aren't impressed with my explanation and put me on the next flight back to London. I feel angry, very angry indeed.

Well, wouldn't you be..?

link | so... tell me

22.08.2003 - Closer than you'd like to think...

Whilst there are some people you could name who are quite closely related to brainlesss creatures living at the bottom of ponds; scientists have discovered that we are all related to this creature.

link | so... tell me

21.08.2003 - Spiders and kittens...

Assuming I didn't faint or run screaming in the opposite direction, I'd have to stamp on it.

Cruelty to innocent creatures? Yes maybe, but when it comes to big spiders I lose control - big time.

I don't have the same reaction when it comes to kittens.

link | so... tell me

20.08.2003 - Working girl...

I bought a suit yesterday. Not an expensive designer number. Oh no, what I need is a cheap suit for work and the occasional piss up; something I can spill my soup down and not worry about. I was drawn to this because it's machine washable. Oooo, the wonders of modern science!

Next up, I'm gonna get 5 non-iron shirts, some machine washable ties and a pair of easy clean shoes that, apparently, never need polishing. Perhaps I'll write a novel with all my spare time.

Suits you, sir...

link | so... tell me

19.08.2003 - A catastrophe of biblical proportions..?

A religious right-winger prays, "We ask you God to give grace for our country in this midnight hour where the manifestations of homosexuality are around us."

The reason behind this need to ask God for deliverance? Well, those liberal Danes have been at it again, appointing an openly gay man, Carsten Damsgaard, as Denmark's new ambassador to Israel.

Despite agreement between Denmark and Israel that terrorism and security expert Damsgaard is the best man for the job, the Christian fundementalists are more interested in what this man does in bed.

"I'm thinking of the normal Israeli citizen and the farmers living out there in the desert and in the kibbutz" said Jony Noer, leader of Israeli group Pilgrims Convoy, "This is like spitting in our faces."

Oh, fuck off...

link | so... tell me

18.08.2003 - You look like a twat..!

Yes, under that wig and false moustache, it's me. I stumbled upon this picture of myself the other day - I'd completely forgotten about it.

"My mother-in-law is so ugly..." No, I've never enjoyed a career as a mediocre Liverpudlian comedian; it was taken at some charity event about 5 years ago.

I think I bear more than a passing resemblance to BBC Radio 1 DJ, Steve Wright circa 1980. What do you think?

Honestly, the lengths I go to just to keep you lot entertained. More embarrassing pictures perhaps at a later date...

link | so... tell me

17.08.2003 - Vatican Rag...

First you get down on your knees,
Fiddle with your rosaries,
Bow your head with great respect,
And genuflect, genuflect, genuflect!

Do whatever steps you want if
You have cleared them with the Pontiff.
Everybody say his own
Kyrie eleison,
Doin' the Vatican Rag.

The Observer is reporting on a document issued by the Vatican to all bishops in 1962. Carrying the seal of Pope John XXIII, it demands secrecy over any sex abuse cases or face excommunication.

I am an atheist and I used to think that whatever you believed in was cool. Throughout my life I've adopted a sort of live and let live, laissez-faire attitude to people's beliefs.

Perhaps the time has come for a more offensive stance. Surely, these things need tackling head on. Just look at the Catholic church's unholy history on racism, sexism, AIDS and safer sex, same sex unions, birth control and now this on sex abuse. Millions have died or suffered around the world as a direct result of the beliefs of a few privilaged men in Rome.

Hell's too good for 'em...

link | so... tell me

16.08.2003 - Are A-levels getting easier..?

There's much debate at the moment questioning whether A-level exams are getting easier after the pass rate increased for the 21st year in succession.

Evidently for one pot smoking teenager, despite the best education money can buy, it wasn't that easy. But then, it's not as if his whole career is in doubt now as a result...

link | so... tell me

15.08.2003 - Sunbather killed by falling car...

Poor sod. One minute you're rubbing in the factor 20 and looking forward to finishing off that book. Next minute...

link | so... tell me

14.08.2003 - On the other hand...

Prince William, Marilyn Monroe, Leonardo da Vinci, Jimi Hendrix, Martina Navratilova and Nicole Kidman - all left handers or (from Latin, meaning on the left hand side) sinister.

Yesterday was Left-Handers Day. The website is full of facts about left-handedness. I took the test there which just confirms how overwhelmingly right-handed I am.

As a kid I used to fantasise about being ambidextrous. I'd practise for hours trying to write with my left hand in the hope that I could at least sign my name with either hand. After hours of scrawling my signature all I had to show was what looked like a nest of drunken spiders. I am terminally right -handed.

Masturbation using the other hand, so the saying goes, feels like someone else giving you a hand job. I suppose there are drawbacks to being ambidextrous...

link | so... tell me

13.08.2003 - Personally...

I've recently been promoted and also I've started smoking again (I suspect the two are not unconnected - interviews can be so stressful).

My friend Sara (pictured right - she's the one wearing the hat) was 33 last week. She insisted that I mention it.

Other friends, Leigh and Adrian, got married here yesterday.

My brother remains in hospital "under observation", cursing this weather between the long spells of boredom.

I'm working on something secret. Shshsh!

More soon...

link | so... tell me

12.08.2003 - Hacked off...

I was greeted with an unfamiliar sight (site) when I logged on to So... yesterday morning. In my semi-conscious state I gazed at the screen in bewiderment. It slowly began to dawn on me that I'd been hacked. There to prove my suspicions was a header which read, "Website hacked by linuxLover."

At the bottom of the page was some message about Blaire's stance on Israel. If the point of the hack was to publicise this situation then I'd suggest putting this message somewhere near the top in a larger font.

After the initial shock and indignation I felt quite honoured. So much so that I've designed myself a badge from linuxLover's logo just to prove that I was hacked.

link | so... tell me

11.08.2003 - Headlines from the BBC...

The BBC are making it easier to place their headlines on your website. They've come up with what they call a BBC Headline Box and getting it up and running is a simple four step process you can sign up for here. It's free and is being offered on a trial basis at the moment but only to certain catagories of websites. Blogs are not included at the moment.

link | so... tell me

10.08.2003 - Shibboleth...

...And it was so, that when those Ephraimites which were escaped said, Let me go over; that the men of Gilead said unto him, Art thou an Ephraimite? If he said, Nay; Then said they unto him, Say now Shibboleth: and he said Sibboleth: for he could not frame to pronounce it right. Then they took him, and slew him at the passages of Jordan: and there fell at that time of the Ephraimites forty and two thousand.

Slain for not being able to pronounce a language properly; pronounciation betrays our origins. In the UK it not only tells you where you come from but also which social class you belong to. You can wear the right clothes and drink the right wines but as soon as you open your gob, a stray flat a will give the game away.

I always found it a bit implausible when, in countless war films, British officers disguised as locals would be challenged by German border patrols whilst trying to escape. They would reply with what must've been perfect German pronounciation for the guards never cottoned on.

In Denmark an unofficial test to establish your Danishness is to pronounce rødgrød med fløde (a red fruit dessert with cream). To a non Danish ear it sounds like someone trying to talk with a mouthful of hot potato. In British English RP the neutral vowel, and how well you throw it away, is a dead giveaway of the imposter.

As for Wales, many would argue that you could pick any Welsh word at random as all are incomprehensible to the non Welsh ear. Judging by the awful attempts BBC newsreaders make at pronouncing the simplest of Welsh place names, I'm inclined to agree. They take immense pride in navigating their tongues through a list of Swahili villages but ask them to pronounce Llanelli and they're lost.

Newsreaders must go to bed at night with the prayer, "...And please God, deliver me not a murder in Machynlleth..."

link | so... tell me

09.08.2003 - Good golly..!

Molly Parkin seems to have squeezed more into her life than many would have trouble fitting into several existences. The highs, the lows, the sexual and emotional abuse, the swinging sixties, the art, the alcoholism, the hob-nobbing with New York's glitterati, the one woman shows, the best sellers.

I remember meeting her after one of her shows back in the 80's - witty, urbane, cool ...and drunk. A friend of mine, Richard Thomas, used to produce a Saturday morning radio show she used to present for Radio Wales. She would arrive in Cardiff on the Friday night and he would follow her from bar to bar in an (often futile) attempt to curb her alcoholic excesses.

Times have changed. My friend, Richard Thomas, died some years ago and Molly Parkin has kicked the drink and now has an exhibition of paintings here in Cardiff.

link | so... tell me

08.08.2003 - Hasta la vista, baby..!

Expect a wealth of quotes running up to this election and many more should Arnold Schwarzenegger actually become governor of California.

The names of his films seem to just lend themselves as ironic comments to a number of potential political situations.

link | so... tell me

07.08.2003 - Nothing but admiration...

"...I realised that facial disfigurement was not just a medical issue, but a social issue as well."

link | so... tell me

06.08.2003 - Filling a gap...

Some long established bloggers such as Frankie, Jhames, David at Swishcottage, Jonno, Ian at Blogadoon and Peter at Naked Blog are taking their summer breaks, on a go-slow or have decided to call it quits altogether.

Meanwhile, other weird and wonderful blogs present themselves. Take a look at Wanton Bliss, Call Centre Confidential, Glitter For Brains and Rubbish Gays.

No doubt you've all been avid readers for ages but I'm a little slow on the uptake. Why didn't anyone tell me?

link | so... tell me

05.08.2003 - Class...

Whatever happened to fair dealing?
And pure ethics
And nice manners?
Why is it everyone now is a pain in the ass?
Whatever happened to class?
Class.
Whatever happened to, "Please, may I?"
And, "Yes, thank you?"
And, "How charming?"
Now, every son of a bitch is a snake in the grass
Whatever happened to class?
Class!
Ah, there ain't no gentlemen
To open up the doors
There ain't no ladies now,
There's only pigs and whores
And even kids'll knock ya down
So's they can pass
Nobody's got no class!
Whatever happened to old values?
And fine morals?
And good breeding?
Now, no one even says "oops" when they're
Passing their gas
Whatevcer happened to class?
Class
Ah, there ain't no gentlemen
That's fit for any use
And any girl'd touch your privates
For a deuce
And even kids'll kick your shins and give you sass
And even kids'll kick your shins and give you sass
Nobody's got no class!
All you ready about today is rape and theft
Jesus Christ, ain't there no decency left?
Nobody's got no class!
Everybody you watch
'S got his brains in his crotch
Holy crap
Holy crap
What a shame
What a shame
What became of class?

link | so... tell me

04.08.2003 - Does God know..?

It's just a fashion thing, a fad; don't worry, it'll soon wear off.

link | so... tell me

03.08.2003 - For the love of God...

Jesus loves me! This I know,
For the Bible tells me so.
Little ones to Him belong,
They are weak but He is strong.

Yes, Jesus loves me!
Yes, Jesus loves me!
Yes, Jesus loves me!
The Bible tells me so.

...Unless, of course, you happen to be queer. The Catholic church has recently published this document outlining their position on same sex unions. "The Church teaches that respect for homosexual persons cannot lead in any way to approval of homosexual behaviour or to legal recognition of homosexual unions."

Tom at Plastic Bag struggles to understand how anyone can be anything other than an atheist.

I must admit that I have similar problems in coming to terms with this blind faith and the false reasoning the faithful use to prove their god's existence.

link | so... tell me

02.08.2003 - Comedy terrorist bombs...

Aaron Barschak, the man who gatecrashed Prince William's 21st birthday party, has a show at this year's Edinburgh Festival's Fringe Festival.

The news is that he failed to raise more than a couple of titters throughout his show at the Smirnoff Underbelly theatre. In an opening night hour long show he failed to impress his audience, made up mainly by the press.

Talk about setting yourself up for a fall...

link | so... tell me

01.08.2003 - Nail 'em up..!

Public floggings and executions are considered by many a mark of an uncivilised people; they are the features of a barbaric society. We have long since dispensed with this form of entertainment. Or have we..?

In October 2002 I warned against the pillorying of John Leslie as, under British law, he must be presumed innocent until found guilty. Yesterday he walked free from Southwark Crown Court, still an innocent man, "without a stain on his character".

To use his own words, "The last 10 months, my family and I have been taken to hell and back". Surely this crucifixion by the media of anyone in the public eye now needs to be curbed by the law. Trial by tabloid cannot be allowed to continue.

John Leslie, Matthew Kelly, Michael Barrymore, Neil and Christine Hamilton and, sadly, David Kelly have all suffered because of an irresponsible and unchecked press. This blood sport must be banned.

link | so... tell me